N. (I’ll use only “N.” to refer to the client to protect her privacy) is a Store Manager of a fashion shop located in a Canadian metropolis. She comes to me (private client) because, she declares, she wants to work on her self-esteem to be more incisive on the workplace. After some specification questions (“Precision: A New Approach to Communication”, Michael McMaster & John Grinder 1994) we find out that there is a specific and recurrent situation which is problematic to N.: when her manager unjustly speaks to her in an aggressive way. In this case, N.’d like to respond, but she’s not able.
We explore what happens in this situation: facts, behaviour, feelings, thoughts (“Coaching, Mentoring and Organizational Consultancy”, Hawkins P. and Smith N. 2013).
With this tool N. is able to identify a recurrent tought – she repeats to herself to be aggressive as her boss and not so soft – and feeling – she says like if there are 2 N.s: one soft and one who would like to be aggressive too. I ask her if she wants to work with a tool which helps her better understand these “different parts” of her and helps her find a solution. She says yes, so I explain how the tool works and I ask to her:
-Which part of you do you find more disruptive?
-How does she/he looks like?
-What does she/he usually feel?
-Which are his/her beliefs?
-What does he/she want?
-What does he/she need?
-What benefits or ‘gifts’ does he/she bring?
-How both of you can reciprocally satisfy?
(“Coaching for Performance”, John Whitmore 2011).
This is intense to N. and when we finish the round of questions and I ask her what she brings home from our work she shares a deep insight: her sensitivity can be positive because permits to show empathy to other people and bring them closer to her. After this work, N. declares some successes: feeling good while expressing her sensitivity, becoming a reference point for her collaborators who have problems with top levels and having achieved a role of mediator which makes her feel good.