How many times have we dreamed of holding in our hands a precious magic lamp, of those that are only seen in fairy tales and that contain a genius ready to fulfill every wish of ours? Perhaps you do not know it, but a similar magical instrument is already in possession of all of us and is nothing but our thoughts, capable of shaping the reality that surrounds us. Try taking a walk through the main streets of your city: if you are convinced that everyone is watching you, you will suddenly be surprised by how many people are watching you. But is it really like that? Are suddenly all the people intent on staring at you? No. It is simply our way of perceiving the outside world.
HOW BELIEFS ARE BORN
The mind is an extraordinary weapon, but we must learn to use it in the right way. Often, in fact, processes of this kind happen automatically, without having a real conscience. Let’s imagine you get up convinced that the day just started will be terrible, frustrating. Without realizing it, the image that you will communicate to others, will be the one of a tense, nervous, susceptible person. Others will perceive this attitude and end up in turn being wary, circumspect. And the slightest spark will be enough to increase tension and confirm our initial impression: a very bad day. All this, however, is actually our unconscious creation (those who want to deepen the topic, can search on the web: self-fulfilling prophecy).
Beliefs themselves are actually neither true nor false. They are simply based on previous experiences but, if not correctly addressed, they will also affect future ones. Do we have job interviews that are not successful? We will end up believing that we are not skilled for that profession, that it is better to let go and dedicate ourselves to something else. During subsequent meetings, you will not introduce yourself as a strong and confident candidate, but as an already defeated one, without enthusiasm and determination. Beliefs will prevent us from giving our best, and probably the goal will eventually fade.
ROBERT DILTS’ LOGICAL LEVELS
Once you become more familiar with these concepts, the question naturally arises: how can I improve myself?
How to “work better”? An effective idea of the possible path is provided by Robert Dilts (find more info on his linkedin profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robertdilts), who in the 80s pushed the development of the neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).
The basic idea is that the processes within an individual occur in a natural hierarchy of mutually influencing levels. A pyramid in which the higher level affects the next, determining it.
The foundation is the environment (where and when, the location in which a behavior occurs and people involved), above is behavior (what, specific actions), then skills (how, skills used for driving behaviors), beliefs and values (why, our inner maps which give meaning to the world), identity (the idea we have about ourselves) and at the end the purpose (our purpose in life)
Based on this ideal scale drawn by Dilts, we have the possibility to change starting from the upper floors and then moving downwards.
Do you want to say goodbye to cigarettes? It will be important, first of all, to stop recognizing ourselves in the word “smoker”, then to demolish the beliefs that follow (“smoking relaxes”, for example) and finally working on behavior and the environment (perhaps avoiding places frequented by smokers).
LIMITING AND POWERFUL BELIEFS
About beliefs, the compass of our mind, it is important to understand when they are functional and when they are not.
Imagine to receive a positive feedback by your boss: if you believe he/she is a fixer, you will take that feedback as a confirm of the bad idea you have about him and missing the opportunity of a positive appreciation.
In this case, a dysfunctional belief is limiting us, influencing in a negative way the relationship with the surrounding reality.
TO CHANGE BELIEFS
Ok, we understood that a large part of our life depends on our beliefs, which determine our mood, our expectations and our behavior.
An automatic process that keeps repeating itself influencing us, but that we can change, working in an appropriate way.
As already seen in Dilts’ pyramid, beliefs have an high position but not the top, and therefore we can, through appropriate tools, correct the ones which impede us the most.
How? Transforming them in “powerful” beliefs, good for us and for the activities we carry on.
Do I have positive beliefs about a language? I will be motivated for the study and the learning will be easier.
The examples could be a million: the relationship with partners, with our work, with our body: everything becomes easier by modifying our guidelines.
TOOLS
To modify our guidelines, we might start asking ourselves questions fundamental to reverse the route:
- Is there anything I am saying to myself that is limiting me in a particular sphere of my life?
- To think what would enable me to activate myself and achieve the result I desire?
- How can I monitor changes?
If you liked the article, please leave a comment.
If you want to continue working with your beliefs, try coaching
Giulia Imbastoni e Tommaso Crocoli